Hanging out with parents and sharing feelings is basically useless. Did that yesterday and it did not help. I feel like a fool.

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Just got out of gay Flash Mob proposal whirlpool. Yes I cried at the end of each one of them. 🙈

Plateau

I think I have plateaued. I rapidly lost a few centimetres initially. Now nothing.

I need to change my diet into 6 meals with 23-27 g protein in each.

The problem is being a vegetarian. I’m not going all ‘not even gelatin coated multivitamins’ (yet) but yeah I’ll do it being a vegetarian only. Let’s see…

The depression comes later…

For now it’s amazing how it’s not come while he’s so lonely.

Life fights for survival?

P for Pathetic

After a point i start sounding whiny and pathetic. I know that but I can’t help it can I? So there are only two escapes – a) get the fuck on with the selling art program b) find out about the printing business.

I really need to put this reading one romance a day business to stop. Had two days off and didn’t accomplish a single thing. Missed out gym on Saturday and Monday instead.

Ok so Mechatron said it yesterday that he wanted to have sex with me. So what’s my problem? It’s not like I haven’t told him a million times already that we can’t ever be The it thing. And in hindsight sex with him was the most amazing I have ever had. It could even be the best in fact, but…

…like I told him, I can’t act emotions. And that comes first for me before I can have sex.

But I do need to practice. So I guess I’ll keep my hands off myself for the next week 😹 Let’s see one more time if I can do this hook up thing.

The thing is I miss sharing things with Him. Like when I’m feeling good about something He would be the first person to know. I do it with the other friends but it’s not the same.

In other news the Kid sent me a screenshot of my summer fling Cutie from last year. Apparently he’s straight on Tinder. 😏 (Okay I’m not judging the Kid. The poor chap needs a mental escape while he’s trapped in the house with all the relations for another week at least. And aren’t our mobile phones just an extension of us?)

This crying during movies, has to be a disease.

I change channel, an emotional scene is playing. I don’t even know the story. I cry. 😐

Met Mechatron again today. Offloaded lot of what was in my mind on him. I feel relieved. I don’t care if he was not interested in my fucking idiotic ramblings.

I will not feel guilty the next time I claim his weekend. I have explained to him why I feel so about a hundred times today.

I have a Florence Nightingale syndrome.