Back from the trip mom’s not speaking with me again for some unknown reason. The trip she was super normal.


Heard news about a senior respected election official who’s now in an old age Home.



Are there old age homes for emotionally scarred, unadjusted, difficult, old gay men? Are they treated with patience?

A Dog’s Purpose

I watched the movie again today and cried thrice. (Watched the last half hour yesterday. Today still missed the first half an hour)




These movies are the only place where I reach the extremities of my emotions. (Was laughing watching Little Sheldon before that).

Horrible Horrible Horrible

We are on a holiday trip – Mom, Dad and me. It has been going fine till now. Tonight, however, in this new town ever since I slept at night, I have been having this long dream about my dead sister and later about my dead dog. I don’t remember now if it was a rewind of old memories or them acting in something new, but all thru I knew that they are not alive in reality. The dog one I saw till a few minutes back, this one was something new. She was alive again. Her stomach tumour was back there, all puffed up- I asked her if it pained and she just looked up at me expressionless but satisfied that I was with her. I knew that I am going to get it operated again and she would die again. I think I dreamt of her because I pet a bitch in the morning at one of the tourist spots (the place has been on my bucket list forever and I might add I was a bit underwhelmed)-she followed me for a few minutes.

I don’t like dreaming about dead people. In fact, I don’t like dreaming at all.

Why did I dream of my sister?

Suddenly in this strange city?

Cover Picture

I made, a pic I took of Him and other friends back in 2011, as my new FB cover picture. I wonder if I can ever be so completely and perfectly happy as I was that day. It’s a silhouette against the setting sun, of all the people I loved (only the friend who was getting married the next day is missing). We were at a hunting lodge of some dead king….

and just checked the ‘on this day’ on face book for the last day of 2011, my status reads

“This has been the best year ever. Hope to see many more like this 😀

Happy New Year to All !”

VD & Mechatron

I had stopped meeting VD because he said it in not so many words that it’s uncharitable of me being just friends when he obviously wants more. I was looking for more before we were finally confirmed that he was poz but he said quite bluntly, like a typical Virgo, that our chemistry was 4/10. So I like a typical Virgo retracted into myself and we ended up being just friends. Later, maybe because I cared for him and supported him through his diagnosis and getting used to the idea of living with HIV I guess he thought maybe we could be some more. Anyways we didn’t meet again. On Sunday he messaged me that he’s leaving the city for good as he has been selected as a PhD candidate. He wanted to meet me on the Christmas Day, cause he was leaving on 26th…I could have too but he told me late…and I wasn’t inclined. I do feel sad at losing his friendship because he was the only 24 year old who was mentally older than me (always always always) and we could talk equally. We watched all the Superhero movies of last two years together. I would choose him over anyone else because he was as passionate as me.

Mechatron wanted something more too. Here I was the one who got sort of hassled. Firstly he’s in a different city and I’ve had enough of long distance for this life time. He was too sincere-in fact he was the admin of both my Facebook pages. I trusted him that much. The only problem was that he thought he was older than he actually was. Which meant if I wanted to rant and vent out to him to ease myself he won’t only listen, he would also give advice. That would be a constant source of irritation. And I hated it as I was going through one of my lowest point in life. Secondly he was making the same mistake that I made – being a nice boy to a family which did not value such a gem. His sister and mom would constantly bully him. I would advise him to get out of the house- he was 24 too-but he would go back to take more. It frustrated me. Eventually I reduced talking to him. So he deleted me from his contact list and I checked today-he’s unfriended me from Facebook. The sending message through friending n unfriending on Facebook needs to be the subject of a PhD thesis. Ha ha ha.

So I lost two close friends this week.