The one bad thing about growing older (in my case) is, I don’t wake up looking all cute. My face is all puffy, lower lip hanging in a pout eyes have bags. It takes some minutes for it to come back to normal 😹

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So I’m 39 today. This is the first time I’m actually looking forward to my next birthday. Yeah it’s all got to do with the hope of getting into the art school. I may be putting all the eggs in one basket. Knowing me, if they don’t take me the first time I apply I doubt that I’ll apply again. :/ I must stop telling more people about it 😹

I’m telling myself to not pile all my hopes on Italy. The first thing is that I might not get through at all (although I secretly still feel positive). The second is tht it might not be the escape from this life that I’m hoping it will be. Thirdly, I feel so inadequate right now, I wonder if I will be able to make even a single original painting after I graduate.

Birthday week. Wanted to have a boys night out with friends, maybe drink a little for a change, loosen my tongue, who knows maybe answer all the questions they have been itching to ask for all these years, share my Grand Plans for Winters 2020.

But are bringing their wives and kids. 🙄

I’ve decided! This is going to be my art dump. Along with the gay comic Instagram account (I think)- I mean it is a treachery, people signed up on that account to see gay comics and now I dump all these daily drawings on them 😂. Let’s see. But I’m definitely posting here (I think ?)

Constantly smiling. It’s like a fucking disease. 😂

Is it possible that I’ll go back to being the nice guy I was in my early 20s? I know getting the innocence back is seemingly impossible but maybe living amongst non-negative people will have some influence on nature?

Only 4 days back driving down to school I was wondering that it’s almost 3 months-Mom is supposed to stop talking to me now. And lo behold! She got annoyed at some petty thing and hasn’t talked since. But ever since I had the realisation about what I am gonna do I don’t even care. It’s like my positivity won’t let her negative vibes go get to me. 😌

But yeah I am a little scared. Giving up my whole life’s savings for the school. Yeah I will still have the house and the school and associated property, but (a) that feels like community property (?)- I mean it belongs to all three of us and (b) not having cash savings at all feels weird. But the thing is, touch wood, I seem to keep earning/making money/saving money (even if a small amount) so I should rely on my good fortune perhaps?