I want someone to ask me, “How do I look?”

I want to reply, “Perfect!”

Bald

I’ve made a Pinterest board featuring bald men with of course the patron saint of the Bald commune Jason Statham leading it. So I’ll be looking at him and my blogger friend Charly when I need to know that bald can be sexy – it’s all in the attitude. 

Watching a romantic comedy or a mushy romance puts me in a mood to say sweet nothings to the nearest available guy. 

And that gets me into things I might not want.

“Butterflies and Hurricanes”

You know that time, when you start getting all the indications, all through the year about something and then it happens? 

It was during those days. I used to follow a blog called “Butterflies and Hurricanes” since around 2008 or 2009- when I was a more active blogger with many fellow blogger friends. This guy would write the most explicit blog about his sex life. About himself he was very discrete. All we know was that he was a European scientist. But the details about what he did and with whom were graphic, picturesque. I think most of the readers, myself included, read him to live vicariously through him. I don’t know if he made some of the things up. It was almost porn. I could never even imagine doing those things.

 He ended almost abruptly. He had discovered that he was positive. His last post, if I’m not mistaken, was that he was waiting in the clinic to collect his first dose of ART. 

I woke up in the middle of the night to close the windows of 8th grade classroom-we have a thunderstorm- and I thought of him. I wonder what’s happening with him. I hope he is doing fine because I remember him feeling low. All the posts about his sex life were written as if at a distance, as if a third person had written them, someone who did not have any purpose in life. The HIV posts were written by someone vulnerable. Someone who was too scared to pretend keeping up the mask. You can google his blog if you wish. It was a blogspot one. I’m going to do too after this post. 
(The other events of that year being – as usual me being scared while getting the HIV test before joining back the ship, I having downloaded “The Normal Heart” to watch while on that contract(- mostly for Matt Bomer’s sake – I never finished watching it till date, It was too much for my tender heart), having bought Greg Louganis’ biography and reading it and loving it and getting inspired, reading ” The Line of Beauty” by Alan Hollinghurst, reading at least two more (or were there more) gay themed novels about serodiscordant couples and getting absolutely okay with the whole HIV thing-all the angles covered, the virus and living with it including discrimination and living intimately including sex understood thoroughly….it was an year of getting prepared for the news that changed the course of my life.)
Update: I did look up the blog before posting and I couldn’t find it. It seems he has simply deleted the whole thing. I feel sad.

When you set their time-zone on the world clock in your phone….

…and keep checking if they’re awake.

Didn’t realise, the number of followers of my gay instagram art account has surpassed the real art account 😔

I’m not happy about it. 

Creatine

Did I mention Day 2 of exercise went well too? So far so good. Right now I’m doing weights every alternate day. Ideally I should be doing some interval running alternate days but haven’t got down to it yet. Tomorrow morning maybe? 
And I know that they say men find themselves sexier in the mirror than they actually may be but I already find my biceps a bit bloated. It could be creatine at work. I love this supplement. It starts water retention and gives a false sense of immediate results and hence motivation. More importantly it helps me finish all sets etc. 

I hope this sticks. 

He’s woken up. He sounds better already.he claims he doesn’t have a fever anymore. I told him to consider having another paracetamol if it returns you must be wondering why I’m being a doctor and he doesn’t go and see a real one? The ART centre is closed today and tomorrow. And he doesn’t want to see any other doctor right now. Which makes sense. But I intend to go and find out a doctor of internal med from the doctor  who lives in our block.  

He’s eaten two spoons of the porridge I had made and taken a few sips of the ORS. I hope that he will gain some energy if he is able to keep his food down. I wish I could have him in house. Even taking care of an invalid would feel like home. 

Did I mention it’s been about a week since mom talked to me?

He’s having fever. He vomited a few times while I was there. I took his temp and it was 99 F then. Pulse 114. His doctor friend (who’s young and I think a fool) said this is the correct procedure. I made up a bottle of electrolytes for him. Will remind him to have another paracetamol n eat the porridge I had made for him. This is the thing I hate about not having my own place. I would have taken him home if I had. Easier to care for that way.

Wish it was as easy to tag someone on WP as FB or twitter