Traveling Light

I can’t pack light ever. I paid excess baggage fees for 4kgs this time for a 2 weeks trip. I now realise I could have easily cut down the number of items I carried.
I’m carrying 4 pairs of shoes. Yes that’s right. I could have easily carried only 1 pair of black formal shoes and one sport shoes for my running. Instead of the additional brown shoes I should’ve brought the new Nikes which could double up for my ‘date’ shoes. In any case, in future if I’m coming only for office training I’m not getting the formal shoes.
About the shirts now. I have brought about 9 pairs and 3 polo t-shirts and 4 for running. The last don’t take up so much space. How about if I had got only 3 running shirts (sometimes things don’t dry up in Bombay) and 3 shirts which could’ve doubled up as date shirts if required and 4 polo tees.
I got a pair of jeans,  at least that I got right.
But I also have 2 formal trousers and 3 chinos. How about I could’ve got only chinos which doubled up as formal trousers. The office is not going to remember that I wore unrolled informal check shirts with tie. This is the only time they are gonna see me for a week if I decide to stay.
The underwear: I have 5 vests and at least 8 briefs. By washing the stuff daily and keeping 2 extra I could’ve easily done with 3 pairs. Ditto socks, I have some 11 pairs I think. I could’ve done with 3 running and 3 different coloured for formal wear. Even if I wore all sports socks I don’t think anyone would mind or even I would mind cause I’m not here to impress anyone. As I said before in here only for this one off trip.
Let me not discuss the cosmetics at all.



I can not switch myself on or off at moment’s notice. I invested into the veranda project twice earlier when I was snubbed with all these talks about marriage and my coming out. I had packed my bags (they are still packed) top leave, then if I stayed back on your pleading it does not automatically mean that all the wounds you gave my soul are healed. They take time to heal. I won’t invest any more emotions on anything without thinking a hundred times.

Day-dreaming again?

Everything he said is right.
The following is not what he said. The following is part of my usual grand plans.
Yes I don’t want to live with him. With his mother around I always feel like a guest. It never feels like my home. I should buy a small flat. Install him there for six months and when I return buy another adjacent toit which would be exclusively for me (and his if he would like to visit).
I think I’ll tell them that I can’t think in this house.
I do need a place to call my own. To gather my self, as he said it. I don’t have an identity of myself. I’m always their son.
Don’t tell anyone you’re related to us, she said, even after my death. I don’t want to have this evil influence on the school. I don’t want innocent children to become like you.
I am thinking of traveling light. I have one suitcase and the bags. Whatever is most important I’ll pack in these. Rest I can buy. I don’t want to hire a taxi but I think that’s what I’ll have to do.
Should I book a bus ticket already? No,  I think I’ll wait till I’ve packed,  when there will be nothing more to be done.


I wake up at the usual time and speak all the mantras I know. I pray for everything to be all right. I close my eyes again and put all my energy into the words I am speaking to make them come true. I don’t address to any particular God. Perhaps I’m praying to the future. Or maybe I’m praying to Hope. For I know that the future maybe set in stone already and it wouldn’t surprise me if it turns out exactly opposite to what I pray for. I don’t pray for what I want because I know whoever has planned all this knows his job. I pray for everything to be alright. I pray my favourite prayer for all (everywhere on this earth) being happy, healthy, have goodness in their lives and never have any misery in their life. I know I’m included in ‘everyone everywhere.  I pray to the most charismatic God Vishnu just because I happen to know that prayer. And I pray the most respected prayer in Hinduism for God to kindle in us the light of Wisdom (so that we may take the right decisions, have discriminatory intelligence to differentiate between right and wrong etc)