I wonder if one should remain in a relationship just because there seems no other alternative. Just because he seems to be the ticket to what little fun you think you will have in your otherwise drab life.


A break?

“Let’s take a break”, he said. “Ok”, I replied. There was no emotion involved. I was fine if he wanted to continue and I was okay if he wanted to separate. I had stopped caring. I had trained myself to stop feeling anything. This was a defence mechanism which affected my libido too. And that was the reason we were having this conversation. In my efforts towards becoming unperturbed by anything concerning him I was not stimulated by him sexually either. He decreed that the problem with me was that I was too self satisfied. “Are you happy?”, he asked me. “I’m contented”, I replied. Yes I was.  I was okay with how things were I said implying that he could take it or leave it. I didn’t explain further. There comes a time when you couldn’t care less if you are misunderstood. “Why did you sponsor my trip if you don’t care about me?” he rattled. “Because you would too if I was in a similar fix, ” I replied. He had helped me the previous year I reminded myself although that was a singular case and I had repaid him many times over before and after that,  so in my heart that didn’t count. I am thankless that way. The parents were never ok with me and him. I go at great lengths to avoid awkwardness. So I would lie when I visited him. Now ever since these visits started giving pain instead of pleasure the lying didn’t seem worth the trouble. So I booked an earlier train and left. We didn’t say goodbye.

Math 101: A reading list for lifelong learners


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Ready to level up your working knowledge of math? Here’s what to read now — and next.


Math 101, with Jennifer Ouellette

First, start with these 5 books…

Infinity's lemniscate. Infinity’s lemniscate. Photo by Transaction Fraud/Flickr.

1. Number: The Language of Science
Tobias Dantzig
Plume, 2007

“First published in 1930, this classic text traces the evolution of the concept of a number in clear, accessible prose. (None other than Albert Einstein sang its praises.) A Latvian mathematician who studied under Henri Poincare, Dantzig covers all the bases, from counting, negative numbers and fractions, to complex numbers, set theory, infinity and the link between math and time. Above all, he understood that the story of where mathematical ideas come from, how they relate to each other, and evolve over time, is key to a true appreciation of mathematics.”

2. Innumeracy: Mathematical Illiteracy and its Consequences
John Allen Paulos
Hill and Wang, 2001

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A Matter of Rats

I had begun this book with much expectations.

Half way through the book,  the author forgot what he was worrying about. He had begun one book but unknown to him, he was writing another one. My first thought while reading the (I don’t know why he put it in there) sorry about Leela and Raghav’s love affair was-if I was the editor of this book I would’ve literally used a stick with the author. But on a serious note,  I wouldn’t have allowed publishing it without major revisions.

The girl with the weird teeth

I’ve been painting her daily for last so many days. I’m slow,  I know. But I feel I’m learning something everyday. This is the first painting I feel which is going almost exactly as per plan. Her face is as planned. I’ve also got her fur coat quite alright. I don’t hate all her fingers. I’ve changed the background thrice and I’m happy with this last one. I’ll finish the major work by today or tomorrow and then only the finishing touches. Of course I’m no Vermeer or Titian but didn’t they spend years, and in the case of the latter decades with one painting?  The good thing is that I learnt something with every brush stroke and sometimes the learning was too much too fast. I’m finally somewhat confident about using colour directly from the tube without watering it too much. In short I’m satisfied.