Long Distance

I guess He knows. I don’t care. The only thing I dread is the ugly scene. Thank God we are in different countries. That I’m cheating on Him is not a ‘getting back at Him’, I want to experience all that I missed when I was loyal to Him for 9 years. I am a grudge collector. I hate having lost those years. I have lost much hair over these years. The gay market is tough. I am working against time.

Thrice have I suggested opening the relationship and each time He has shot down the offer. The first two times after He had been caught cheating. Men like to spread their seeds. I totally understand promiscuity. I can’t stand lies. Being made a fool a cuckold is the worst- because I think I have a dash more intelligence than average . I stay on because it’s an insurance for old age. Or at least that’s the reason I think it is. Moreover being in different countries it doesn’t actually matter so much.

I dislike being spied upon. If I tell Him I made some new friends from Grindr He’s gonna use all the gay friends at His disposal to find out what exactly am I doing. So I tread carefully.

I hate showdowns.
They’re ugly.

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