Wish Away

I look at the watch and it’s not yet 5. I remember having a stressful dream. I look at Twitter then Tumblr and finally land at the Body.com app. I start browsing articles. There are many about Hep C. I want to ask Him to be careful about it. Maybe get shots if they’re available. But it’s too early in the morning. I don’t like to wake Him up reminding him that He has the damned virus inside. Another article talks about various stages of HIV and how any CD4 below 200 is wrongfully labelled as AIDS even if the viral load is undetectable. It then goes on to describe various stages and CD4 counts and I can’t remember His count. I feel guilty. It’s a bit too early in the morning for me to concentrate. I pause for a moment…what am I reading! A month back I wouldn’t have known what CD4 means. I don’t want to read all this. Can someone take it all away.


4 thoughts on “Wish Away

  1. One thing I have learned is this; you will never stop worrying, you will never stop caring. BUT what you can do is TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF so you can be there for him when you are old and grey. If you do not take care of yourself and worry about him and every little thing that “may” make him sick then it will be a very long road. I am one person to worry a lot…BUT since this all started for us, something woke up inside of me and I took a proverbial pill….I call it the 1/10 pill….I only share 1/10th of the stuff I would normally talk about….That is not to say I am being dishonest or not sharing what it is on my mind…I just don’t blurt out everything that is bothering me or worrying me or…..I just let it go….I am there to support him, love him and be there for when cracks seem to appear…..HE is going to be in the best shape of his life, have a great team of Drs to take care of him….HE will be fine! I need to take care of me…..We have not have had one single fight since the week before his Diagnosis…That is not to say we had 3 moments of, hey this could be a fight but we recognized it right from the start and handled it nicely…..so it will be almost 3months and no fighting….what a wonderful world…lol…I hope you find some comfort in this….

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