I avoid dating because I can’t take twinks’ drama anymore. (I’m attracted to the 20 somethings because they have so much to see…I think).

But how do I avoid mom’s drama? Right here at home.


I stopped going to the gym again. I was a member for two months and I really went about 10-15 days each. I really prefer running. And I only need to figure out what to do about upper body strength. 😬

I picked today of all days to catch up to H’s blog. When I read him when I’m not sad I find him witty and wise. Today when I’m feeling low, I find him too real. I want to visit him and cry with him. I don’t know if he cries. It would be impossible to live with him though. Two difficult people. He feels like me 10-15 years down the line.

Are you getting what I mean?

I write here to vent out. I do it anonymously.

Other people vent out too. They do it in public view.

Is that easier? Nothing to hide?

I used to share an older blog, a happier blog with Him. He would quote from it when we fought.


So yesterday one of helpers(I’m translating the literal word used in the language here) at the school (who basically helps with the toddlers and is the de facto boss of the cleaning ladies at the school) suffered from a stroke. One of the girls from the kindergarten came to me that something is happening to Dolly. When I rushed out of the office two other attendants were bring her out. Her body was semi paralysed and the face looked skewed. Her speech was slurry.

I called out at the receptionist to call ahead the doctor’s clinic. The doctor said that it sounds like a stroke and we should straight away rush to the hospital. So I drove like mad. The receptionist knew the way to the hospital so I asked her to come along. Mom also sent the librarian (who’s also a cousin 😂-nepotism anyone?)with me. The lady was unconscious by the time we reached the hospital. After the basic stuff the doctors said that we need to take her for CT Scan to the city as they didn’t the machine. So I arranged for an ambulance from the hospital itself. The receptionist went in the ambulance and I sent back the librarian-he had his car key-I would called him if any other help was required. The receptionist is resourceful and sort of my right hand, so I wanted her.

At the Scanning centre(?) we decided to take her to the city hospital itself. The emergency doctor after looking at the scan confirmed that one of her brain vessels had ruptured and sent me to the neurologist-surgeon. He said there was a minor bleeding and it should resolve itself in 4 to 5 weeks. The patient would be under observation for 48 hours and need another CT Scan in 72 hrs. By this time the receptionist had located the lady’s husband (he works a gardener amongst other things) and called him there. His neighbour had also reached separately (her son goes to our school). Now this poor guy is -what’s the politically correct term for it?- a bit simple. In any case I explained the situation as best as I could and after we had shifted her to the ward, handed over the command to the neighbour so that I could bring the receptionist back to the school. I asked the guy if he had some money, he had he said, I didn’t believe him but since I had paid for everything already and confirmed from the doctor that nothing else was needed we returned.

In the evening there was another scare that the patient was shifted to ICU and might need to be operated upon in the morning. So mom n dad went to see her. Only the doctor on night duty was there and he said the surgeon will come at 6 in the morning and then it will be decided. So we will go today again and find out.

News? I have a room mate now. Yeah the only other unmarried cousin. He was slowly turning schizophrenic. I really don’t know how he is now but he seems to sleep better. But he does sleep less. His is a long story but I hope he’s here for good. Loneliness is not a great thing. Mom gives his example to tell me what’s in store for me. But he’s younger than me and I’m more stable mentally ( I hope). Anyways the chap is now working at the school.

In other news I’m not looking for anyone anymore and life has thus become simpler. There being no expectations everything is better. Moreover not trying to date anyone for the first time in years is so peaceful. It’s as if I don’t know any conniving bastards. Call me homophobic. Gay men are scarred. It’s refreshing to only meet people who are balanced. I don’t know how to explain this. But there is no struggle. No hiding. No lying.

I’m thinking of raising money for the ‘educational trip to Italy’ through selling paintings and commissions. Dunno how though. 🤔