As the year came towards an end, he decided that it was time to make some resolutions. The new year was going to be all about resolutions and he would try and fulfil them as much as possible. He had made two Johnny-come-lately resolutions in the previous year and had actually achieved those goals, so he was hoping to maintain that streak. He wanted to be a better person than he was last year. He could not grow hair on his head or grow taller but there were things that he could change physically and also emotionally – being as fit as was possible for his body, be happier and become a better person emotionally.
So this is what he wrote:
- Continue not eating sugar. Try to target processed foods after that.
- Try to stay off porn and avoid “doing myself” as long as possible. Fail and start again.
- Achieve the 15km goal by mid April (and then set new goals – a half-marathon maybe?)
- Lose the extra weight by April(and then start packing muscles. I want to see my jawline. I never had a jawline but I’m sure I have got one now as I have grown older.)
- Six-pack before mid-September. Definitely. No questions asked.
- Floss daily. Have amazing pearly whites.
- Have a better skin. I can definitely take care of my skin. Need to look up skincare routine online.
- Improve my Testosterone count: I need to have erections at the drop of the hat.
- Learn to cook. Cook all three meals during summer break. Make better food choices.
- Focus on positives.
- If you can’t speak positive about someone don’t say anything at all.
- Meet more people. Laugh more. Try Grindr again middle of the year. Maybe I would have better control on my temper by then and not get pissed by all the offers of sex.
- Read at least 12 books in 2019. The smutt would continue but books which will make me not feel guilty all the time. (Start with the MA books).
- Finish Duoling Italian.
- Finish the #100 heads challenge by June and switch to landscapes. Keep drawing.
- Set up a Patreon account in August. All the nude men comics are going there.
He felt that all the targets he had set up were achievable. He did not add outlandish things like “make your bed everyday” or “do not procrastinate” or “don’t be lazy” or “don’t lose your temper” because he knew he would fail at these within the first two days and that would have a domino effect on the rest of his list. He would keep those for his long term goals along with “learn to play the guitar” etc. The question facing him now was, how to pin these somewhere only he would see them daily.
Oversharing alert. (This is what happens when you read other people’s private diary).
By plan and also thanks to divine intervention (the wifi stopped working and the sites he liked had been taken down by some stupid government drive towards moral decency-it happened in fits and jerks and then people would shout and they would be up again. He believed if the government took the copyright angle all these sites would remain permanently down -he should’ve been a lawyer-but then no one was consulting him), he had not watched any porn and thus not masturbated in two days. And on the second night he dreamed of two boys kissing. And it was very sexy. No that was the end of it. He was hard and all, nothing more. But the kiss was everything. He could feel it. It would be almost an year since he had touched anyone. He had beaten the monkey almost everyday (except June when he was away taking care of his dying brother in law – they had lived in the tiny house of relations and…there had been just too many people in that house.)
This is progress he thought. He would see how many days he could hold out. He would work on this like his other victories this year. He had finished the art work on time and he had given up sugar cold turkey. So he would not get off on porn and he would have sex with a real world human being for once-that was on his new year resolutions’ list.
After he had run for the second consecutive day he decided he was ready to take baby steps towards cooking by making his own breakfast. What could be easier than scrambled eggs? Well a totally unstocked kitchen for starters? The only thing he had was an induction plate and a knife. He had got the eggs n onions from downstairs, from his mom’s kitchen but noticed there was nothing else in his cupboard-no oil or salt or other spices-nothing. Nor anything to store them in. He decided he would solve this problem later that day. In the mean time he would cook his breakfast downstairs once the kitchen was free.
Does the beauty of emotions make you cry? I think that’s why I almost always cry watching movies and not in real life. Those emotions seem more honest.
What is catharsis?
I have been talking to this girl on Instagram. She wants us to be like anonymous pen friends though we have a common “friend” (I met him twice and the second time was last night for SpiderVerse). I enjoy my chats with this 19yo. She reminds me of the Yahoo Chat Rooms we used to have at the turn of the Millennium . It’s fun and anonymous. And you can talk freely because you’re anonymous. So this came out of one conversation.
Madonna was a gay icon of our generation (I was 7-8 when Who’s That Girl came out 😛) because she owned being a slut. She was in-your-face, embraced her sexuality, wore outrageous clothes-was practically a social pariah herself, but she owned it all. She was like “Yeah, I’m a slut. So what?” And the gays went crazy. She was our spirit animal.
Now consider Ms. Ariana Grande. She sings:
You need a bad girl to blow your mind (your mind) (okay)
Bang bang into the room (I know you want it)
Bang bang all over you (I’ll let you have it)
Wait a minute let me take you there (ah)
Wait a minute ’til you (ah, hey!)
And she’s wearing sexy short hot pants cycling on a stationary bike doggy style with her behind pumping up in the air provocatively. while singing this. Guys in tiny briefs grinding around her. And she wants to be called the Virgin Mary. “Don’t slut shame me. I choose what I wear. I am naked in a music video for no other reason than to let men watch me BUT I’m not to be called a sex symbol.” And that is why she is the gay icon of the generation of politically correct, social justice warrior snowflakes. I guess it’s only appropriate.
So my hypothesis about the need to respect your partner has had a confirmation. The Kid called me up a couple of days back. He said “You were right. I don’t respect my boyfriend and that’s why I don’t love him. He lies, has got himself a shitty job so that he can live near me” is a sociopath (he didn’t say it but I figured).
So I’m upgrading my hypothesis to Theory.
He felt so empty. One task was done. He had sent in his application. Now what. There were his MA and Education assignments too. Should he get done with them during the holidays? That, he knew, was the problem of an over thinker. No moment to sit down and enjoy the vacations. The other reason for being down was he was on an Anyta Sunday marathon. She wrote these cheesy sweet m/m romance novels that he just loved. The guys in it were so nice. Even the villains were bad for a reason. He felt really great when he was reading them…but as soon as he had finished one he would feel what all he was missing.
He decided he must put himself out there and work with the same determination to get laid. But would his patience with the twinks-of-town hold? And what about his confidence ? Was a bit of ego hurt worth the chance to not feel lonely? He guessed he would have to find out himself.
I sent in my application!!!
Fingers crossed and crossed and twisted and mangled shapeless….
One evening he found that did not have anyone to watch Aquaman with him. So he asked his friend to lend him his son. A date was set and he got to watch the movie with a 10 year old kid. The following were the observations he made:
- Kids can’t drink adult size sodas.
- Your seats and surroundings may look the most embarrassingly full of trash. And like a King you don’t give a damn.
- With a kid you notice every song on the drive to the theatre has a “f*ck” and u hope he doesn’t pick the words up.
- Being responsible for a kid for the first time is like being the captain for the first time. You’re overwhelmed with the responsibility but you act like Captain Cool.
- Kids look tiny driving shotgun.
- You need to carry wet wipes with kids. Although face completely smeared with cheese popcorn 🍿 does look adorable. (I let it be).
- Bathroom breaks need to be planned.
- There is a real risk of an over feeding a kid.
- You might miss beginning of the movie getting “nachos and cheese popcorn-yes only cheese popcorn-yes I’m sure and Fanta and another popcorn” and you’re totally not throwing a tantrum.
- Kids may not enjoy superhero movies. I need to give a few years.
- The correct way of having a kid is to rent it. You get to return it to the owner at the end of the day.
- I’m totally doing this again.