I stopped going to the gym again. I was a member for two months and I really went about 10-15 days each. I really prefer running. And I only need to figure out what to do about upper body strength. 😬


I picked today of all days to catch up to H’s blog. When I read him when I’m not sad I find him witty and wise. Today when I’m feeling low, I find him too real. I want to visit him and cry with him. I don’t know if he cries. It would be impossible to live with him though. Two difficult people. He feels like me 10-15 years down the line.

Are you getting what I mean?

I write here to vent out. I do it anonymously.

Other people vent out too. They do it in public view.

Is that easier? Nothing to hide?

I used to share an older blog, a happier blog with Him. He would quote from it when we fought.


So yesterday one of helpers(I’m translating the literal word used in the language here) at the school (who basically helps with the toddlers and is the de facto boss of the cleaning ladies at the school) suffered from a stroke. One of the girls from the kindergarten came to me that something is happening to Dolly. When I rushed out of the office two other attendants were bring her out. Her body was semi paralysed and the face looked skewed. Her speech was slurry.

I called out at the receptionist to call ahead the doctor’s clinic. The doctor said that it sounds like a stroke and we should straight away rush to the hospital. So I drove like mad. The receptionist knew the way to the hospital so I asked her to come along. Mom also sent the librarian (who’s also a cousin 😂-nepotism anyone?)with me. The lady was unconscious by the time we reached the hospital. After the basic stuff the doctors said that we need to take her for CT Scan to the city as they didn’t the machine. So I arranged for an ambulance from the hospital itself. The receptionist went in the ambulance and I sent back the librarian-he had his car key-I would called him if any other help was required. The receptionist is resourceful and sort of my right hand, so I wanted her.

At the Scanning centre(?) we decided to take her to the city hospital itself. The emergency doctor after looking at the scan confirmed that one of her brain vessels had ruptured and sent me to the neurologist-surgeon. He said there was a minor bleeding and it should resolve itself in 4 to 5 weeks. The patient would be under observation for 48 hours and need another CT Scan in 72 hrs. By this time the receptionist had located the lady’s husband (he works a gardener amongst other things) and called him there. His neighbour had also reached separately (her son goes to our school). Now this poor guy is -what’s the politically correct term for it?- a bit simple. In any case I explained the situation as best as I could and after we had shifted her to the ward, handed over the command to the neighbour so that I could bring the receptionist back to the school. I asked the guy if he had some money, he had he said, I didn’t believe him but since I had paid for everything already and confirmed from the doctor that nothing else was needed we returned.

In the evening there was another scare that the patient was shifted to ICU and might need to be operated upon in the morning. So mom n dad went to see her. Only the doctor on night duty was there and he said the surgeon will come at 6 in the morning and then it will be decided. So we will go today again and find out.

News? I have a room mate now. Yeah the only other unmarried cousin. He was slowly turning schizophrenic. I really don’t know how he is now but he seems to sleep better. But he does sleep less. His is a long story but I hope he’s here for good. Loneliness is not a great thing. Mom gives his example to tell me what’s in store for me. But he’s younger than me and I’m more stable mentally ( I hope). Anyways the chap is now working at the school.

In other news I’m not looking for anyone anymore and life has thus become simpler. There being no expectations everything is better. Moreover not trying to date anyone for the first time in years is so peaceful. It’s as if I don’t know any conniving bastards. Call me homophobic. Gay men are scarred. It’s refreshing to only meet people who are balanced. I don’t know how to explain this. But there is no struggle. No hiding. No lying.

I’m thinking of raising money for the ‘educational trip to Italy’ through selling paintings and commissions. Dunno how though. 🤔

Call me by your name

The movie was different from the book. Oliver comes across as a bit too keen on sex. More than Elio. Elio seemed too straight. A straight guy from twitter who saw the movie thought that maybe Elio marries the girl after the movie. But then you can’t have the continuous voice in the head in the movie. I loved the last scene-Timothée Chalamet looking into the fire, crying, camera on his face-loved it. I don’t know why some people read into Elio’s dad’s speech as his confession of homosexual feelings. It’s a good movie. Left me a little depressed but nothing, nothing like the book. The best thing about the book is that it’s a simple love story. It doesn’t feel like it’s a ‘gay story’. It’s just two people who are attracted to each other.

The kid has grown up

He told me of his adventure

After injecting MD (whatever that may be)

“They were clean needles”, he said

You’re judging me he said.

“No” I replied.

It’s the truth. I never judge him.

I did ask him to be safe though, I can’t help it.

He said he had a massive erection for two hours, he had sex with that guy.

Everything was rosy after that, for a while.

He was horny for 48 hours.

But he couldn’t get it up.

“I never saw it become so small.

I touched myself continuously, but nothing happened. I’ll never do it again.”

Am I becoming a paedophile? I have acquired Carvaggio’s taste.

Saw a School boy in the morning, probably 12th grade. He was built like a jock but the face was like a boy.

This is all the fault of reading bara comics.

No I don’t have any sexual thoughts or intentions (with them or anyone at all). But my heart misses a beat and I’d like to draw them.

What the F will happen once we get upgraded to 12th grade?