I can’t seem to sleep for more than 6 hours. If I try I wake up with weird dreams. I hate having dreams. I’m simply not used to seeing unreal things. I have been to sleep more than my usual 6 because it’s apparently healthy.

The quarterly ‘get married to a girl’ show has resumed.

The question “But why don’t you want to get married!!!” made a comeback this season.

I am bored of this show and know how it plays out. No wonder my temper reaches from 0 to 100mph (the end result of the ensuing arguments) in microseconds.

Fuck

I just realised that this puts a spanner in my 40th Birthday. I had planned to have a picture taken at the Trevi or a Venetian gondola.

I really don’t want the 40th to be business as usual-desert at home and sleep by 10.

I’m panicking.

It’s 7 months away. But I need to plan now.

Do I visit Italy or better still Greece? And do I combine it with Turkey?

Or should I rather visit some place warmer? I don’t want my excess baggage to be Jackets and thermals.

Do I go alone or do I ask VD?

Podcast/Radio show/YouTube videos suggestions?

Why I want to make art? Because I like to. I don’t want to be famous. I don’t want to be discovered posthumously. A few words like “wow that’s nice” are good enough.

The Girl, the other day, said “I am not going to like your City Comics page because it’s not good enough. I want you to work harder.” Well fuck you very much. If I worked to please others I would be swimming in commissions.

Of course I’m my own biggest critic and my own biggest fan. If I like something I made no one can make me think otherwise. And that’s purely because I’m like “wow! I can’t believe that I made it!” And that keeps me going. The skill.

I strictly believe that art is a learnable skill. It’s only a skill. Some people have a natural knack for it too – Michelangelo for example- but everyone can learn. Every. Single. One. If you belonged to an anonymous poor guilded painter family, you would pick that up because that’s what your family did for a living. A young Mucha for example.

I do not find Van Gogh‘s life inspiring at all. There’s no romance in being poor. Maybe this was a sign that I shouldn’t spend all my savings. Maybe I’m not designed to remain poor.

The thing is this: I know I can be same good on my own, I have come so far haven’t I? The only problem is that it will take time trying and failing multiple times. But failing teaches more than success. All I need is a plan. A curriculum for myself. And discipline.

I need to put in more time to making art than I put in to Netflix and looking at art. That’s the only thing holding me.

So the purpose of this post: Suggest some podcasts or YouTube videos which can play in the background. So that I can work without looking.

Something interesting that teaches me something.

Classic

Didn’t I predict that I’ll lose all interest once I don’t get in the first time? That’s how I cope I think. I feel like unfollowing anyone who has anything to do with the school and a new dream.

This one took me ages to find.

Fuck! I am back to no aim/interest in life.

Own web comics is one. For now.

I wish I could share this disappointing news with mom and dad but unfortunately they won’t understand.

The more I think of it the more I realise it’s a polite rejection letter. 😂😪🙁

So frikkin disappointed

Finally got a mail from them:

What does the “top portion” even mean??? Any suggestions what questions I must ask of them? I’m thinking: Should I apply again? Do I get advantage in the waiting list? Any feedback or suggestions for my future entry.

I am disappointed but I’m also laughing at the pathetic-ness of the situation. Also a bit relieved subconsciously maybe -hard decisions may wait.

But how do I get visa if they let me know right before the semester starts?

Darkseid is.

Where do I note all this information?

I really started reading comics only last year. And no, I’m not a cliched nerd. I think it’s stupid to remember that xyz happened in Batman #147 &c. I read mostly for the art. And sometimes the story.

It is such a powerful medium. You don’t need a multi-million dollar budget and you can write a story as well as a mega Hollywood movie.

So these are writers and artists I have discovered recently.

Rick Remender is amazing. I’m still waiting for his Seven to Eternity (the story is so good that I forgot the artist’s name) and Low with the amazing Brazilian artist Greg Tocchini. How come Brazil produces so many talented artists? Picolo is another, though I haven’t read any of his comics. He’s 24-25 and got famous on his own with Icarus and the Sun, a webcomic he made. He’s working on the Titans afaik.

Tom King, this guy is such a phenomenal writer. His stories are as good as any movie stories. He uses all the usual gimmicks as hooks, but they all work. I’m reading his Batman (DC rebirth) series. I don’t know what it’s called in nerd speak but it’s really great. I finally started copying small panels from him. I copied a panel with a hand holding a notepad yesterday which took me like 3 hours. I could’ve made it better and in a third of the time with ink and paper. But this is learning. But yeah I do intend to make more things by hand than on the tablet. Practice will make me faster. My new sketchbook is also arriving today so everything will go in it. But yes I do need to get better at drawing. Copying it is for a while.

I have already talked about Tom King’s Heroes in Crisis. Originally I wanted to copy Clay Mann’s art in that one, but the guy who coloured it is so good that I simply have not yet reached that level.

Travis Charest has always been my God. His drawing are impeccable. His colouring in Metabarons was amazing. But I have noticed that he seems to stop working on series midway. Dunno what that is about.

The Italian artist of Saria is the same level. But I haven’t been able to read the comics yet.

I have talked about Enrico Marini often. His Eagles of Rome is simply the best. He’s another example of what a person can do on his own. He didn’t like working with other writers so he wrote this one on his own and it’s fabulous. He works mostly with watercolours. He sells the art later. That’s one route to follow I guess.

I wanted a bit of change from Batman and have been following Tom King and Mitch Gerard on Twitter. So I checked out their just released Mister Miracle. It looks…I have run out of adjectives. (The title of the post is from that comics). The guy draws like a God.

All in all the key thing is drawing. I should draw at least 3 to 4 hours everyday other than painting. Then I might be ready to draw something original.

Tinderbox of emotions. Scratch the surface.