I decided yesterday that I need to learn how to dance. So I have been dancing 1st steps of hip hop to YouTube video for past 20 minutes and boy I’m out of breath. I know I must look stupid doing that but it sort of elated me a bit 🙂

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In spite of the heartache he leaves me with, I added Alan Hollingurst’s next in my Amazon wish list.

Sidenote: I keep buying gay themed novels. It seems to be a reaction towards fear of losing my sexuality-the lack of sex…I need to write about the make out session with the Kid.

Mid-life crisis or Could we go lower?

I’m taking a hiatus from social media. It means I’ll not be communicating through it. I’m putting all my focus inwards. I don’t want to peddle my work or thoughts for a few likes or comments. If I do get likes I want in hundreds. So I’m posting my art work here. I don’t care for comments. I’ll try to ignore bouquets and brickbats.

But this post is not about art. This is the lowest I’m feeling and I don’t intend to feel that way in future. While I was driving back to school it seemed like a dramatic movie scene- the city immersed in light and fireworks while I was driving back. It was almost beautiful. I spent most of the day sleeping at home. That building gives me most negative vibes. I couldn’t wait to escape. Mom tried to talk all normal but I asked her to drop the act. When I’m around her I rage. What’s dead can’t be resurrected.

Zen is what I have to do.

Callous

Mechtron called yesterday. He sounded desponden. His closest friend is in coma and the doctors want to pull the plug. He wanted to know if such a thing happened to people. I could not say anyone more than hmmm and that’s too bad. He was obviously looking for comfort and I had none in me. That’s who I have become.