Nobody’s People

So we are here at Map Ta Phut port in Thailand. Me and the cadet got all dressed up to go ashore only to find out that the Port Operations Manager has decided that no one can go out of the port after 6 pm. So we live away from our families, make the world move and some nincompoop decides that seamen working 12 hours during the day don’t need a break to go ashore. And the bullshit MLC is in force. The industry leaders didn’t know but we seamen always knew life only becomes more difficult for us with every new Convention. We’re in port and we don’t have any phones available to call home nor phone cards or wifi. I’m gonna write a complaint to the port.


For a closeted hypochondriac I’m quite unsympathetic to other people’s illness. The steward slipped and hit his head against the door frame and is now more depressed than apparently ill. Anyways, we have asked for medical advise and he’s under observation. But the guy is borderline depression case. Doesn’t have any friends, doesn’t socialise, keeps to his cabin and seems in general sad. Let’s see.

Such a Long Time

I’ve worked now in one month on this ship than any other as a mate. It has started giving me the shivers. Makes me more apprehensive about taking command here. Every day takes a decade to pass and there’s so much to do before I go home. There’s no maintenance other than breakdown maintenance. Thailand seems so far back in time.

The Trip: Planning

When I started planning the tax saving trip I had the right reasons in my mind: new countries, historical attractions, museums, people, photography. The obvious choices, Greece, Turkey and Italy, had to be ruled out because these countries take forever for a visa. With the time budget I had (okay I accept I didn’t know how to budget this trip b it being our first vacation overseas) I was left with Thailand,  Cambodia and Sri Lanka. After much headache inducing research including stages where I planned to abandon moving altogether but to stay put only in Colombo, I finally ruled out Sri Lanka, as 3 countries in a fortnight was gonna be a rush rush affair. I had always wanted to see Angkor Wat and would’ve definitely visited some day in the future so I thought let’s do it now and get done with it. Including Thailand was making sense as the stay was very cheap. Moreover, my connecting flight for the ship was to be got from there itself. The real reason was that he had recently returned from Bangkok and I was jealous imagining what must have transpired when he stayed at the famous Babylon. I wanted to get a piece of that action myself.

When I had made peace with the fact that this was going to be essentially a sex vacation I said what the heck and booked ourselves in Gay or Gay friendly resorts. I tweeted that I want to let my hair down. I resolved to at least try.

First stop Phnom Penh.


Now that only a few days are remaining for me as a mate I feel nostalgic about the past, about my initial days as a young mate.

1400 hrs

I think today should be called Personal Nostalgia Day. I’m feeling not only nostalgic about myself but also for the 70s when mom was young. Weird. Anyways that was a dream. I think I’ve finally caught up with my rest and can go and exercise now. The weather and the heat reminds me of Cambodia. We felt so together that day.

Performance Anxiety

20:02: I’ll have performance issues… you can carry on (with him) I don’t mind.
I’ll go for dinner in the mean time

20:05: huh

20:06: I’m serious.

20:07: okie
20:06: wen u see me
20:06: u will not
20:06: how will a darker room help?

20:07: There I can
20:07: I can run if I want

20:07: so let it be dark
20:07: run?

20:07: From dark room. Please you go ahead. I’m serious.

20:08: i will not
20:08: let it be then ..

20:08: Wo bechara itni dur se aaya hai (Poor guy, he’s come from so far)

20:08: i ll tell him something and ask him to go back
20:08: why do u care ?

20:08: > wincing/

[29/09 20:08] : forget it
[29/09 20:13] : i am another beer
[29/09 20:13] : having

[29/09 20:13]: Ok

[29/09 20:13]: wat u doing?

[29/09 20:13]: Nothing

[29/09 20:13]: okie

[29/09 20:13]: Should we go for dinner?

[29/09 20:14]: u want to?

[29/09 20:14]: You don’t?
[29/09 20:14] : Isko bhi le chalo chaho toh (Bring him along if you wish)
[29/09 20:14]: Khila do thodasa (Let him eat a little bit)

[29/09 20:15]: okie
[29/09 20:15]: i might have sex with hin
[29/09 20:15]: coz i am horny

[29/09 20:15]: Okay
[29/09 20:15]: I’m calling mom

[29/09 20:15]: ok

[29/09 20:15]: He’s what t or b?

[29/09 20:15]: bottom
[29/09 20:15]: he wants us both

[29/09 20:15]: Ok
[29/09 20:16]: He said?

[29/09 20:16]: sms wen u r done
[29/09 20:16]: yes

[29/09 20:16]: 🙀
[29/09 20:16] : Ok

[29/09 20:16]: sms wen u r done

[29/09 20:16]: Ok

[29/09 20:32]: done?

[29/09 20:32]: Yes

[29/09 20:32]: ok

[29/09 20:32]: Coming

[29/09 20:33]: where ?

[29/09 20:33]: I’m
[29/09 20:33]: There

[29/09 20:33]: why?
[29/09 20:33]: i am bringing him to room

[29/09 20:33]: 🙀
[29/09 20:33] : 

[29/09 20:33]: u stay in that outside area
[29/09 20:33]: behind room

[29/09 20:33]: Ok
[29/09 20:34]: He doesn’t know kya ?

[29/09 20:34]: wat?

[29/09 20:34]: That I’m here

[29/09 20:34]: he knows u r in room

[29/09 20:34]: Ok
[29/09 20:34]: I feel weird

[29/09 20:35]: let it be
[29/09 20:35]: just do wat i say

[29/09 20:35]: Ok
[29/09 20:35]: I’ll tell him I’venever done this beforw
[29/09 20:35]: So nervous

[29/09 20:35]: okie
[29/09 20:35]: i ll sms wen coming
[29/09 20:35]: take a showe
[29/09 20:35]: shower
[29/09 20:36]: keep condoms and jelly on table

[29/09 20:36]: Ok

[29/09 20:36]: switch off lights

[29/09 20:36]: Ok
[29/09 20:36]: Shower again?

[29/09 20:36]: clean ur dick and ass
[29/09 20:36]: 😉

[29/09 20:36]: Ok

[29/09 20:37]: 10 mins i ll come

[29/09 20:37]: Wait
[29/09 20:37]: I’ll wear same things?

[29/09 20:37]: yes

[29/09 20:37]: Ok
[29/09 20:38]: Going for bath now

[29/09 20:38]: okie

He was almost everything that I like in guys. He was in his early 20s, bottom, not too hairy and fleshy without being fat. I should’ve been able to fuck this guy in a dream, but here I was over thinking. Thankfully He didn’t have any such issues. I asked him to go for it first while I tried to get myself ready. And boy did he go! For someone who claims to be a bottom He is a ruthless top. He was turning the boy in different positions and simply being a fuck machine. At one point he even took the boy out into the enclosed verandah, made him stand in the tub there pinned against the wall. The boy was momentarily conscious of the neighbours watching but he was in too much of a master-slave mode to object. I heaved a sigh of relief that they were out of the bedroom. But my relief was short lived. The tub was clumsy and worked only in fantasy, so they were back inside. And now it was my turn. I somehow managed to shove my dick in him, the boy seemed to enjoy an improvement in the size. “Turn him over, let him face you. You’ll like it better,  ” He said after a couple of minutes. I pulled myself out and asked him to lie on his back.  And that was the last we saw of my erection that night. I simply couldn’t get it up. The embarrassment about the fact things worse. In the end i ended up being just a cheerleader. I think it was  because He was with me. Alone i would’ve performed better, i like to think so. I must have said sorry a million times to them both.
Once we all were back in our clothes, freshly showered, i suggested dinner at the neighbouring Indian restaurant.  I told the boy the treat was on us and he didn’t want to worry about it. I was trying to redeem my image.
How He changed tacks and acted normal friendly with a guy He had just had sex with was something new for me. Later, he even added him to Facebook.
…to be continued

Past Life

During certain afternoons, when a bright sun is piercing through my cabin portholes,  I get transported to the 40s. Memories of some gun ship in the past life.

My other memories include a dark wintery quay on a North Russian night in the 20s or maybe the 30s (it’s a very stark memory); a summer in India in the late 20s or 40s before we went back,  some lonely lifetime spent in Australia, unknown era, time doesn’t move in the bushland.

A Night Alone

I saw him off at the airport around 3 pm. It would be six months before we saw each other again. Of the little time left together, we watched each minute  indifferently saunter away.  20 minutes to parting. 19 minutes parting. 18 minutes. 17….Goodbyes are horrible. The one leaving becomes testy. One can’t give in fully to the anxiety of imminent separation  because of the reality of departure formalities. I wished I hadn’t pre-decided the time for taxi to pick me up, I could have squeezed a few minutes more. I saw him take up the escalator and appear on the other side of the glass wall to join the immigration queues. Eyes already welling up, I waved him a final goodbye, turned and ran for the exit,  the taxi would already be waiting for me. I wanted to turn around for one last look. I wanted him to come back. I wanted him not to leave.
An hour later, back in the hotel, I thought I should sleep. But I chatted with him till his flight took off. Then I called up Mom and talked for an hour. It was too late to sleep. I also had some packing to do. I decided against going for a swim. The shorts won’t dry. I collected the sauna pass and went down to the bar for some tea. I decided that if I was to have sex with a stranger this was the time. I responded with a ‘hi’ to all the guys who had shown interest in the past few days on Grindr and PR. One guy alone showed any interest. He was what is called ‘discrete’. At 7 I decided to go to the Sauna to distract me and lift up the mood. I was bored within a few minutes. I didn’t allow anyone to touch me in the stream room or the jacuzzi. Sunday was supposed to be the day of action but I was not finding anyone attractive. I let myself sweat properly and then lay in the jacuzzi to relax. I left in half an hour. I had a quick dinner at the nearby Thai restaurant and returned to the room by 9. The discrete guy was ready to come. I asked him to get some condoms and lube. He arrived around 10 by that time I was really